What To Wear?

Now every woman is famously quoted as saying 'I have nothing to wear!' at least once in their lives. Mum appears to be no exception.

In this case, its down to me. That's right; I've made enough of an impact on her waist line that she cannot fit into any of her clothes. Even her t-shirts don't fit! And, its only week 15.

Mum has begun, grudgingly, to pack away all her current clothes and resigned herself to the fact that she will need to go shopping for those stretchy pants.
.

Now for a lot of women this would be the ultimate excuse to get the plastic and go mad. Mum is not most women. Its not that she doesn't want to shop but its the choice of clothing.

'Maternity Wear' conges up horrible images of the horrid plaid tents of the 70's.

So far the shopping experience for mum has been a mixed bag. There have been some nice tops but the majority of dresses and slacks/jeans have been really disgusting and BIG (in the weirdest of places).

Oh well, I'm sure she'll find something soon or things could get chilly.

THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG

That's right folks the world now knows that the Peanut exists. 

Mum was overwhelmed by the clucking and cooing once she announced that I was here.  That was of course after everyone got over the shock.

Apparently, mum forgot to bring my first photo (the 12 week scan). Everyone was disappointed but were appeased when she agreed to bring this in on Monday.

I am famous!   :) 

Who Ate All The Pies?

I'm growing and I need more room so I've taken to expanding mum's stomach.

At this point no one at work knows I exist so mum's expanding waistline has been politely ignored.  The English have pointedly not mentioned fat, food, etc.  However, it is becoming noticeable that they are avoiding the topic. 

Now people come in all shapes and sizes so many are frightened to say 'Are you pregnant?' just in case the person is fat.  However, those that know mum have also avoided any topic related to fat, diet, food, etc.

I know what they are thinking - Who ate all the pies at Christmas lunch?  Or should we say all the chocolates, cakes, puddings, etc.

But we are in on the secret.  ;-)

Blah, Blah, Blah

So far mum has been to five appointments where she's been quizzed about all sorts of personal (and non relevant) data.  Also, at each one mum has been given enough pamphlets to wallpaper the entire house. This wouldn't be so bad if they were different but each has exactly the same text and is written as if you have an IQ of 20.

On top of that, each medical practitioner (nurse, doctor, assistant, elevator operator, etc) constantly repeats the text in earnest as is if it was the first time you could possibly have heard of this.

Just to give you a flavour of the way they do it, here is a transcript.

Nurse - Have you thought about breast feeding?
Mum - Yes, I'll do that if I am physically able to.  (thinking this is the end of questioning)
Nurse - Breast feeding is good because.......(blah blah blah)
Mum - Yes, I intend to breast feed. (again, thinking end of lecture)
Nurse - Breast feeding is beneficial for you as well..... (blah blah blah)
Mum - ok. (clearly annoyed at being treated like an idiot and not being listened to)
Nurse - That baby benefits are .... (blah blah blah)
Mum - ok. (very annoyed)
Nurse - It's also cost effective.... (blah blah blah)
Mum - mmmmm
Nurse - So, what does your partner think of breast feeding?
Mum - (clearly bored with this and extremely annoyed) He wants me to. 
Nurse - It's important that the father is supportive of breast feeding.... (blah blah blah).... Here is a pamphlet which you can read at home. (note pamphlet has exactly what was said by nurse to the letter)
Nurse - So, have you thought about where you're going to give birth?
Mum - (groans and resigns herself to another set of lectures)

Only another 7 months to go.

SMILE!

I had my first photographic session and I'm a prima donna.

I decided to be as awkward as possible by nestling snuggly in the remotest corner and refusing to wave.

Despite this the student nurse managed to take one of the best photos (i.e. you can actually tell it's a baby).  The nurse also managed to confirm that I wasn't sharing and I had all the right components in the right places.

It only took twice as long as normal.

This wouldn't have been an issue except mum had a full bladder as this is required so that the womb is raised for viewing.  The first thing mum did after the pictures were taken was run to the toilet.

Let's Celebrate!

It's the Christmas season and mum wants to celebrate just like everyone else.  But, I wont let her.

That's right; she isn't allowed to drink a drop of alcohol. 

Now this is amazingly difficult when everyone around you:
- is drinking, and
- doesn't know your pregnant.

Mum tried to pretend by drinking orange juice and cocoa cola.  Many people assumed there was some alcohol in these drinks so it appeared to work. 

Well, until someone kindly shouted a round.  Then she had to say she was slowing down a bit and would like an unmixed drink.  That wasn't received well and many people just thought she was weird.

Ahhh, but she did try to sneak one past me.  But she didn't succeed.  Two sips and I knew. And I let her know the only way I could.  She felt really really sick.

That'll teach her!

You Can't Eat That!

That's right, folks.

The list of food that you can't eat is amazing. 

For those that are health nuts it's very interesting what you are not allowed to eat.  For example, no soft or blue veined cheese.  That's right no brie, cambert, etc.  Where am I going to get my calcium?  Cheddar?!

We're told these days that we should all eat oily fish for the omega 3's.  Not so if you are carrying a little bundle of joy.  Some sites say 1 portion a week whilst others say none.

"Don't eat foods containing raw or partially cooked eggs, such as homemade mayonnaise, and some mousses and sauces. Only eat eggs if they’re cooked until both the white and the yolk are solid."

This means no cheesecake!  No runny yolk on your eggs as part of the traditional fry up.  No patatoe salad nor coleslaw.

Oh yes, one last thing.  NO CAFFEINE.  Now that's generally ok cause mum doesn't drink much coffee but it also means no TEA.  Tea has caffeine so no more hot drinks.  Furthermore, chocolate has caffeine.  That's right for my chocoholic mother it means none of that sweeeeeeet sweeeeet delicacy.

She won't survive.  But I have a plan.  I've decided to encourage her to stick to the above. 

How, you might ask, could I (a peanut) do this?  I'll make her sick each time she even thinks about eating those nasty foods.  Yep, that's what I've done.

She can't stomach anything that's not savoury.

Ha ha.  The peanut rules!